When it starts happening, you see it’s all fast and furious with so many couples that you eventually lose track of dates and all the other minute details that really have no significance to an individual person. In fact, my 2015 schedule already has four Saturdays marked off for the matrimony of family and friends.
Upon the heels of another engagement announcement, someone jokingly remarked the official popping of the question was no surprise, but the future bride’s “Yes” response was. I chuckled because it’s true, we may be tipped off about the pending question, but you never know with absolute certainty how the lucky lady (or guy, to be fair) will respond.
Which then had me thinking about this one misadventure Rosy and I were on. We had reservations at a restaurant with some friends. Rosy and I were fashionably early of course, as we sat chatting with our waiter we couldn’t help but notice some commotion at the other end of the dining room. The waiter explained the very nervous young man, and his small entourage of friends who just arrived, was preparing to propose to his girlfriend…for the second time.
I was flabbergasted. I guess when you’re surrounded by so many proposal stories that end in “Yes, I’ll marry you” you neglect the fact that sometimes the answer is “No.”
Crazy, right? Not the “No” part, I mean the part when the guy who got “No” for an answer the first time somehow – by the good graces of God – mustered enough courage to ask the same girl again.
Shocking. How does one come back from such rejection? How do you repair what’s left of your dignity after that heartbreaking response?
As Rosy, myself and our new waiter friend discussed the intimate details of this poor lad’s relationship, what became even more baffling to us was why this girl even stayed with this guy after the fact?
I was humiliated for him. Our waiter friend had confessed that he would not be able to continue to date someone after they basically told them, “No, I would much rather not spend the rest of my life with you. Sorry you wasted money on that diamond ring.” Assuming you get an apology.
Some friends of mine gave this girl the benefit of the doubt. Maybe circumstances prohibited her from accepting the proposal at that time. Like what? Really though? The question is asking for your hand in marriage NOT your hand in marriage this instant, or tomorrow. If you love someone enough to continue to share your lives together, why on Earth would you reject them today?
After much debate, Rosy and I concluded the only logical explanation was this girl was superficial and she either didn’t like the ring or the manner in which this poor bastard chose to lay his heart out on the line for her the first time. So she was kind enough to let him try again.
So here we are sitting in this Toronto restaurant, Rosy, myself, the wait staff, the happy couple and a few of his friends. Some music began to play through speakers, a friend was playing a banjo (it could have been a small guitar, but for all intents and purposes a banjo just sounds funnier) and the boyfriend descended down some steps to the sunken dining area where his girlfriend was sitting in a booth on her phone. The rest us of watched from above. The boyfriend was singing, albeit horribly, his own lyrics to Jason Mraz’s I’m Yours. Sadly, I can’t remember any of the words because I was too focused on how embarrassing this was, and so very public.
Suffice to say, she said yes, this time. Sweet girl. Everyone clapped and then we ate.
In the end I learned to have a little more sympathy for men in this regard. While they often take no part in all the planning process, decision-making and subsequent stress that comes with organizing a wedding, I guess the responsibility of having to put a ring on it isn’t so easy either.
If I can offer some advice, as an intelligent girl who doesn’t own any diamonds, perhaps if there is even a shred of doubt in your mind that the response to such a question may be anything but a positive one, perhaps you should refrain from asking just yet.
Enjoy dating for a little while longer because eventually everything will fall into place. And if you don’t care for my suggestion (also fair, I’m not an expert) then I hope for your sake you inhibit a type of resiliency that is far greater than that of a child with bloody knees, but determined to ride that bicycle.