She lost.

In 48 seconds, all the hype, the excitement, and not to mention, the money pumped into welcoming Ronda Rousey back to the UFC came crashing down with every punch Champion Amanda Nunes threw.

I was heartbroken for her. The predictable headlines ensued, was she ever that good to begin with? Will she retire? Go to the WWE? Disappear completely from the spotlight? She did. Rousey didn’t take part in the post-fight interviews, she, nor her team released an official statement after the Dec. 30 bout. Until  today.

A simple post on Instagram. A famous quote from ‘Harry Potter’ author, JK Rowling: “And so rock bottom became the foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

In black and white, the message is quite clear that what’s next for the former champion is not known (to the public at least) but she’s got a plan.

This post rings with me personally, not just because I’m a Rousey fan (and a JK Rowling fan) but because I’m also going through changes.

No. I’m not pregnant. Even though the previous posts suggests I’m married (I am) and that I have been for a little while now (Just over a year). It’s not that.

In December, I left the company I’ve been working for for almost a decade. The day after my convocation in 2007, I started head first into the Journalism world and never looked back. While my roles changed at the company, I was always doing something that I loved – writing; Telling stories, sharing stories, reading, and listening. I’d always felt really fortunate to have found a job in a withering field, but like a true rite of passage in journalism nowadays it came to an end. I was fortunate enough too, to be able to make this decision on my own terms.

At first the change (and the time off) filled me with excitement and enthusiasm – “oh, all the things I can do now that I’m completely free!” It was also Christmas time, so the days were packed with spending time with the people I love most, stuffing my face with food and just enjoying that busy love-fest.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNfzq2_gPaK/

But January hit.

My husband has gone back to his regular, long work days, so have my friends and I’m here. Still trying to figure out a schedule for myself, search for what’s next, trying to keep myself in the know, creative, passionate – filled with that same gusto in December that feels like it’s drifting away from me.

The truth is, I don’t know what’s next. I don’t even know what I want. Which is rare for me. I’ve always had a sense of direction with my goals and my career, perhaps I’m in a slump. I’m waiting for a light bulb to go off inside me, for the ultimate “aha!” moment, but maybe it will never come.

I am used to working, grinding out every day at a job and for the most part, enjoying it very much. Journalism always kept you busy, kept you thinking and asking questions.

All I can seem to ask lately is, “What now?”

I haven’t hit rock bottom, nor do I think that I’m headed in that direction, but I am looking for that – direction – my new path on which to rebuild my work and my goals.

I may be a bit uninspired now, but with faith I know, I’m a fighter in a different sense. My only opponent now, perhaps like Rousey too, is my own self-doubt.